


A Notebook Full of Gay Thoughts

by MultiphandomHeather



Series: 12 Days of Loona [1]
Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, Fluff, Heejin is Distressed and Dramatic but we support her, Jinsoul is that annoying sibling that teases you over a crush, Platonic Relationships, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:54:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21921253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MultiphandomHeather/pseuds/MultiphandomHeather
Summary: When a very important journal gets lost, Heejin has only two choices: panic or search for it.Spoiler alert: She does both
Relationships: Jeon Heejin &; Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul, Jeon Heejin/Kim Hyunjin
Series: 12 Days of Loona [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1583917
Comments: 2
Kudos: 56





	A Notebook Full of Gay Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KyokoCat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyokoCat/gifts).



> This work is a gift to a brilliant artist, true gay icon, girl group enthusiast and my amazing friend.  
> She has been dealing with all my ideas and helped me co-create an amazing AU. All of that with a 9-10 hour time difference.  
> So just as Heejin started the Loonaverse, this lil gift fest begins with my big sis ^^

The long-anticipated day was here again. Streets were almost empty aside from some people rushing back to their houses. Cold December air wasn’t very welcoming, and every sane human being would rather spend the evening somewhere warm. Maybe it would be even more magical with some snow falling down but climate change has been ignored long enough to eliminate this element of winter almost for good. Despite that, the atmosphere of excited anticipation was present all around and the citizens of Seoul happily settled into it.

Except for Heejin, she was freaking out.

It wasn’t the comeback preparations that bothered her, all the work was currently stopped in order to let the group rest and get some strength before diving back into the chaos known as their career. The teaser released a couple days ago seemed to attract enough attention to satisfy the company for now, so there was no reason to stress too much.

Even the antics of Heejin’s fellow members weren’t too concerning. Sure, there was a slight scare that Chaewon might destroy the kitchen again, but she has already left to celebrate Christmas with her family. So the dorm was relatively safe.

Heejin had her own reasons to panic and they were serious enough to keep her in her unit’s room while everyone else were occupied with preparations. She firmly believed that the little nightmare before Christmas she was experiencing right now required more attention than baking with Haseul.

“Heekkie unnie!” Yerim called from behind the door, making Heejin jump. The girl was already in full on sugar high mode judging by the volume of her excited voice. “Are you coming?”

“In a second!” Heejin made an effort to add some smile to her tone and hoped Yerim will buy it. Turns out she didn’t have to as Yeojin’s loud battle cry prompted the younger girl to run off to join her friend.

However it was only a matter of time before someone else will ask her to join them. While changing the subject worked with the younger members, her unnies were harder to convince. Haseul only had to look at her and Heejin would tell her everything and even more than that and Sooyoung seemed to be a mind reader sometimes. Heejin had to hurry.

She had been searching the room for an hour now and her anxiety was going through the roof at this point. What if it wasn’t here? Could any of the girls take it somehow?

Heejin didn’t keep any secrets from her members but this was different. If anyone found the notebook, there will be a lot of questions and she wasn’t ready to answer any of them. Not before she herself asked an important one and that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.

She took a deep breath to calm down. There was no use in getting too emotional. If she wanted to get her precious possession back, she needed to think clearly and retrace her whole day leading to this moment. The moment of terrifying realization.

One of the things Heejin was sure about is that she didn’t leave the room with her journal in hand. Therefore, there were two possibilities to consider. Either the notebook was still in the room or one of the members had it. The first option made her seem like a blind idiot and the second meant her friends were thieves and should be punished for their crimes.

Maknaes. It had to be one them. Probably a prank of some sort that was supposed to be funny but almost gave Heejin a heart attack and made her consider leaving the country. There was a chance that none of them even read what was inside. Hopefully. Even if they did, she could trust them not to tell anyone. Hopefully.

Maybe the content inside wasn’t _that_ bad after all and her current actions were way too dramatic. That was an optimistic perspective to consider and Heejin’s mental health would certainly benefit from it. However after a quick consideration, she concluded that she was going to die alone in shame with embarrassment as her only company.

A knock interrupted her frantic search. Who could possibly want something from her? Most of the members would burst in without an invitation or bang on the door like their life depended on it. That only left the unnie line and Chaewon, but she was away and so was Kahei. So it was probably Haseul, which meant Heejin was screwed.

She opened the door with heart beating way too fast and sighed in relief when she noticed Jinsol on the other side.

“Oh, unnie.” She said. “It’s just you.”

Jinsol clearly wasn’t impressed by that statement.

“I’m happy to see you too.” She replied and noticed the state of Heejin’s bed. “Was there a hurricane?”

Heejin shook her head and rushed to make the mess at least appear more presentable. She failed miserably but it was a great distraction and an opportunity to come up with some excuse.

“I’m just looking for… something.”

It wasn’t a very detailed explanation but maybe Jinsol didn’t care enough to interrogate her. She probably had nothing against the mess anyway as it was only Heejin’s space and not a shared one. Jungeun was the one ready to fight someone over an untidy room.

“Is that maybe your ‘something’?”

The question made Heejin’s neck almost snap because of how fast her head turned. Indeed, she recognized the white and grey pattern on the notebook’s cover. Did that mean Jinsol broke into her room in the middle of the night and stole it? Was Heejin supposed to deliver the news to everyone else or beg the ruthless thief to give the journal back?

“Haseul saw it in your room and thought it belonged to me.” Jinsol explained with a shy smile. “Sooyoung got me an identical one a couple days ago.”

Well, that made much more sense that Heejin’s dark scenarios.

“But I recognized your handwriting, so here I am.”

She extended the hand holding the missing notebook towards Heejin, who stared at it as if it might explode. The most important question remained unasked but obvious to both of them. Heejin really wanted to approach the topic carefully and get an answer without seeming too suspicious. However the words seemed to be stuck in her throat and refused to leave.

"We don’t have to talk about it.” Jinsol saved her from the awkward struggle. “I haven’t read more than half a page anyway.”

Message was clear. Jinsol knew but wasn’t going to press further and wanted to leave everything up to her. Heejin almost teared up from the relief which didn’t go unnoticed by her unnie. Still, she stuck to the promise and didn’t point anything out. Good, that was fine. Heejin was safe for now. She could wait another couple months or even longer before disclosing any of the information written down in her journal.

“Anyways, I have to go.” Jinsol sighed, shaking her head. “Haseul and Sooyoung went for some last-minute shopping and the kids shouldn’t be alone with the icing.”

The infamous day when Yeojin and Chaewon decided to bake cookies was still fresh in everyone’s memory and even the brief mention of it was enough to make their leader shudder. Since then, it was a rule that any activities in the kitchen required a supervision of at least one relatively responsible adult.

Throwing one last supportive look in Heejin’s direction, Jinsol turned to the door. Their conversation passed and will probably remain confidential until it was the right time. She didn’t have to explain or share anything with the other members. Just like she wanted. It was a huge risk to speak about it anyway. Yes, definitely a bad idea.

“I’m gay, unnie.”

And yet, Heejin wanted to say it out loud. Wanted Jinsol to hear. She wasn’t afraid that her friend will judge her. Sometimes Heejin wondered if a member of their group coming out as straight wouldn’t be a bigger shock. So she told the truth. At least a part of it.

Just like she predicted, Jinsol faced her again with a grin.

“Noted.” she stated and that was it. Now she knew. There were no fireworks, tears or begging for understanding. At this point each of the members probably assumed everyone had at least some interest in genders other than male. 

She expected some follow up questions, but nothing came. Jinsol respected her privacy and it made Heejin feel her heart fill with warmth. Maybe she shouldn’t have worried that-

“Okay, so any ladies caught your eye?”

Of course. Her unnies were notorious when it came to teasing the younger members about their love lives. It was a rookie mistake of her to assume she will get away. Jinsol was one of the worst cases due to her expressive face that managed to crack even Hyejoo and Jungeun. Heejin groaned, earning a laugh from the older woman.

“I take that as a yes.” she commented with an obnoxious eyebrow wiggle. “Care to share?”

“Unnie!” Heejin whined and felt her face turn pink from embarrassment. “Why do you assume I have a crush on someone? Can’t I be an independent woman?”

Jinsol snickered at her outraged tone and patted her on the head affectionately.

“I’m all for girl power but you wouldn’t get so defensive over nothing.” she said. “I guess her name is in that precious notebook huh?”

Heejin couldn’t maintain a poker face and just gaped at Jinsol who smirked victoriously.

“Gotcha.”

For someone who considered her charm to be stupidity, Jinsol could be terrifyingly perceptive. The crime world should be relieved she decided to pursue a career in show business instead of law enforcement. Sherlock Holmes had nothing on that girl.

“Are you psychic or something?” 

On the other hand nobody in the patriarchal society would take a soft spoken, doll faced woman seriously. Especially with that idiotic grin.

“Why would you be afraid of me learning that you’re a lesbian?” she questioned rhetorically. “I’m dating four of our members.”

She had a point. Heejin would be more afraid to tell her bandmates about eating the last cookie than her sexuality. Damn, she really underestimated Jinsol’s intellect. 

“Yeah, that’s- wait a second.” an important detail caught her attention. “Four?!”

“Don’t change the subject, kid.” 

Heejin pouted, trying to soften her unnie enough for her to answer the question. She was only aware of Jinsol’s three girlfriends. There were several bets going on among the maknae line and she really wanted to know who was going to pay this time.

“Try harder, the adorable puppy eyes are not enough. It may work on Hyunjin, but not on me.”

The mention of her friend’s name synchronized with a loud bark from behind the door made Heejin’s breath hitch softly. Jinsol’s triumphant eyebrow raise was a clear sign that she connected the dots and the cat was out of the bag.

“Adorable.” she said with a wide grin. “I was afraid your taste would turn out to be terrible, but I accept this candidate.”

Heejin hid her flushed face behind the journal and just mumbled something incoherently. There was no way she was going to live it down. 

“Hey, cheer up!” Jinsol gently lowered her hands. “I’m proud of you.”

“Are you?” Heejin wasn’t certain where this was going, so she remained suspicious “Why?”

“You’re upholding the tradition of falling for your members. It’s like you’re our protege.”

This time she let out a high-pitched squeal and tried to swat Jinsol on the arm, but the older girl simply dodged it with a laugh.

“You’re so cute.” she cooed. “I’m having a great time.”

Before Heejin could form a clever retort, the door burst open and revealed a slightly disheveled Yerim. She apologized hurriedly for almost knocking her unit member out and started spitting words faster than a machine gun.

There was no way to understand more than some single words but Jinsol seemed to comprehend everything and kept nodding thoughtfully, her eyebrows slightly scrunched up. It was an admirable achievement because Heejin could barely register that Yerim was speaking Korean and not some otherworldly dialect.

“Okay, I’ll be there soon.” Jinsol assured the vigorous girl, who nodded her head furiously and scurried out of the room. 

“What happened?”

“No idea.”

“Then how did you-”

Jinsol shrugged with a small sigh and a barely visible ghost of a smile on her lip. She motioned towards the door.

“I’ll just follow the noise and wing it.” 

That was one way to deal with a problem. Heejin wondered how many of their troubles were solved by one of the unnies who had no idea what they were getting into. Truth be told, it would definitely explain a lot of messed up situations in their dorm.

“Heejinie.” Jinsol was already standing in the door frame. “Don’t overthink it. Just work with what you already have, and it will be okay.”

After these words of wisdom, she disappeared with a wink and headed towards the mess that required her intervention. Heejin was left alone in the room with the notebook in her hands. She looked at it carefully, studying the striped cover as her mind wandered towards every possible outcome of her potential confession.

Without even thinking, she opened the journal to look through her previously planned ways but stopped herself after a second. Jinsol’s advice rang in her head making her question the point of all that stress and different scenarios. It’s not like it was possible to predict what will happen when she actually gathers enough courage. 

Someone screamed in the kitchen which would have been concerning if it wasn’t for the laughter that followed. Heejin smiled to herself and slammed the notebook shut. She has already wasted too much of the evening.

“Unnie, wait up!” she called, hoping that Jinsol was still alive out there.

A small part of her wanted to dispose of the journal and forget about its existence completely. She debated tearing the pages into pieces the next time she’ll be alone but decided not to. Instead, Heejin hid it securely between her sweaters and pushed them deeper into the drawer. 

If everything went alright, Hyunjin was going to get a perfect Christmas gift next year. 


End file.
